Water Narrative
Come inside from rain, wipe wet shoes, take off shoes. Remove hood, take off jacket. Walk, shiver. Turn on sink, fill cup, drink. Turn on hot shower, wash, dry. Boil water in teapot. Boil water for noodles. Wash clothes, dry. Water plant, brush teeth, pee, wash hands. Get in bed, read book, cry. Drink water, sleep.
Lists
rain
green, black
heavy bones on moist floor
I am rich, dark chocolate, coffee flow
sing in veins of deep red oxygen
water is outside
today I drank coffee,
dark chocolate crepe
solid apple
less hair,
heavy heart
patience.
“Venture not all in one boat”
“Turbulence is a life force. It is opportunity. Let’s love turbulence and use it for change”
“Family” What images does the word bring to your mind?
Say two words that come to mind in response to “family”
Close your eyes, look at your mental images of “family”
Make two gestures in response to two images
*Today I gathered these resources from my mom, dad and myself. I hope to gather some from my brother, grandmother and possibly other relatives when I see them. Today I’ll create a short piece from the resources of my two parents and myself. Each short piece will be like a poem, of movement with a little voice thrown in. Maybe I’ll string them all together one day. This is for fun. :)
Sometimes things happen to me in a way I can’t ignore as meaningful. Call it superstitious or obsessive. Whatever it is, it appears to hold meaning, and inevitably feels right.
After graduating college, I spent almost a year feeling completely indecisive about my life. I contemplated dozens and dozens of careers familiar and unfamiliar, graduate programs, peace corps programs, you name it, I probably considered it. Life is a puzzle, and I really love putting puzzles together.
Tonight I knew I’d reached the final point of this tension.
I read something that suggested listing your possible callings for this chapter of your life, and note which ones (if any) makes you tear up. This brought clarity. I always come back to dancing, and many ways of sharing it with people, and using it to illuminate parts of our everyday lives that need examining.
Little things fell in to place. My computer won’t charge anymore unless I hold the power cord a certain way. So I turned on an online radio station, tried letting it play. The cord stayed put, and the first song was Le Loup, “I had a dream I died.” With totally relevant lyrics and beautiful melody surrounding me in my room, I danced. I danced more honestly than usual and from my heart. And I knew, that’s all I need to keep me going.
I may be scared, and I may be introverted. But even introverted people have big thoughts and big things to say, and fear is just the inevitable dust always floating around us. It doesn’t need our attention.
I’ve been selfishly talking about my plans and dreams to family and friends, going back and forth, deciding and undeciding. I’ll leave it be. I need to stop. It’s time to shut up and just do it. Because I’m either slowly declining or moving forward, and there is no in between. “Sitting in limbo” is really a slow roll down hill, backwards.
Tears are words of the heart, saying “this is important to me.” Direct their path with a smile and they hydrate acceptance.
The head and the heart are a funny couple.
Take any situation. If my heart isn’t in it, it’s because I didn’t put it there.
It may tug at my hand, like a child, toward something. It may pull my hand backwards in apprehension. But in order for it to be present in anything, I must bring it with me.
The same goes for the mind.
Sometimes they pull in opposite directions. They may never totally feel the same about something, but maybe that’s a good thing. They have unique views, that combine to form compromises. They harmonize.
In fight I’ll fly above the fist
look down and gaze, with hands on hips
I see you throw some bones around
they accompany tongue’s angry sounds.
My bones are mine to throw around
to walk away, lift off the ground
if I should fly before the kiss
please pull me down, and dance like this…
I will grow, all the way in to
all the cells that I am
Metabolic relationships calling,
we fight,
regenerate
we fight,
we stay up late
regenerate.
7 years old are my atoms
can’t count them, but I count on them.
My nervous system is one that seems to be, relatively, very active and sensitive. This has lead to great negativity, anxiety, and other problematic consequences. It has also led to extremely rich, positive experiences on a regular basis.
Music, color, patterns, and little moments in every corner of daily life are interesting to me, because I sense them deeply. Knowing this now, it’s no surprise that decision-making is a challenge for me. I am satisfied simply being, yet simultaneously see the value in pursuing a number of separate actions. I’ve realized that all possible choices of action are in fact connected, and this makes decisions even more difficult.
So what can I base my decisions on? What is the foot that kicks my butt in to a new direction, the motivation carrying me forward? I’m beginning to think it is my heart. Not the organ, but bank of the love located at the center of the intricate city that is my own life.
Money is a common motivator for many decisions in the main stream actions of human life. It motivates our commute to work, completion of education, choice of food and health care, and basically most daily occupations. But money is an external creation, created by humans, not nature. The act of sharing, receiving, and maintaining a flow of something, however, seems to be naturally in us. This flow applies to love as well.
What if we based our decisions on love?
I’m aware this is a general way of perceiving our choices. However, is it much different from the basis of money? An example: One with much love for painting may contain an insuppressible urge to release this love in to the world, by making paintings and teaching others to paint. People will argue, teaching painting will not give you enough money! Or, all you can do is teach to make a living if you are an artist! But this is a narrow view. By practicing painting and facilitating this practice with other people, the artist is keeping their love and a communal love for painting alive. I think it’s safe to say that love in undeniably necessary in this world, whether we know why or not. Yes, we live in a system that requires having money, but if we align our need for money with our need to express and receive love, we may find that we don’t need as much as people tell us we need. Although, this is getting harder and we must rely on our innate creativity to live in a way that is still aligned with our heart and not just our monetary banks.
Back to nervous systems… I think pursing life based on love is challenging for many people, and can be especially challenging for the highly sensitive. While we all are capable of feeling love, the sensory experience of love can be overwhelming for those who have sensitive nervous systems. This can bring negative thoughts and reactions, which stain our motivations and ultimately our choices. But, it’s possible to unlearn these negative reactions and learn to live in, but not of, sensory experience.
I’ve recently read a book on highly sensitive people, whose nervous systems are (for reasons unknown) seemingly more sensitive than others’. While they experience a wider and deeper range of emotions, fears, and changes in health, they also experience a wider and deeper range of sensory experience. Many are introverted and end up being therapists, spiritual guides and artists. While Eastern cultures have historically valued personalities leaning more towards a sensitive, introvert side of a personality spectrum, Western cultures often value opposite personality types. This creatures struggles for Westerners on the sensitive side. However, as we grow more aware of what human nature truly is, I hope that Western support of introversion and sensitivity grows.
The book is The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron.
“western traditions hardly pay any attention to the cultivation of techniques to quite ourselves-we have been urged to “better living through chemistry”
“there’s nothing in western culture that teaches us that we can learn to master our own physiology-solutions come from outside, starting with relationships, and if those fail, drugs and alcohol or drugs”
“the neurobiology of meditation-that the brain can grow and reshape itself…is becoming better known”
“Yoga offers a way to reprogram automatic physical responses. Mindfulness, learning to become a careful observer of the ebb and flow of the internal experience…”
These are pieces of insight on the benefits of yoga I wanted to share from an interview I found on the web. The interview, titled “Yoga and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder” between Integral Yoga Magazine and Bessel van der Kolk, MD, is found here:
